Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I've been on a mild anti-depressant for about a month now. My nutritionist believes the whole theory behind cortisol and anxiety making it difficult to loose middle of the body fat. She and I agreed that reducing anxiety in my life would be a good thing on many different levels.

And it has. I am happier. The chemicals have taken the edge of anxiety producing situations. I have less discomfort related to being out of the house, taking the bus to the mall and so on. It's been nice. And I've started loosing weight again. All the weight I have to loose is between my neck and knees. I have here to for unknown muscle definition in my arms and legs, and carry little extra weight in my face and neck. (Loose skin, yes, fat, no.)

That would spell success on a variety of levels.

Something else has happened that I'd not bargained for.

Yesterday, my friend, A, and I were sitting next to each other in Starbucks as we generally do on Monday after the kids are dropped off and school, knitting socks, drinking the nectar of the gods, and catching up on the weekend. A little old lady walked over to my friend and said, "Oh you're making socks. From the toe up!" A said, Yes," showed her the sock as I bent over and dug out my most recently finished pair and held them out for examination, too.

It was like a scene out of a ghost movie. I was the ghost. This little old knitter chatted with A about her sock and totally ignored me, my outstretched hand with brightly striped socks, like, well, I was invisible.

No, I don't think the antidepressants made me invisible. And yes, this has happened before. What's different is this time I felt it. Previously, I expected to be treated this way, either ignored or bullied. It was normal for me. And I just blew it off. Welcome to my world. Yesterday, however, now that my little happy pills secrete wonderful chemicals in my brain, I felt it. It hurt. As I sat knitting last night, I cried because that little old knitter lady deliberately ignored me. She went out of her way to speak to A, no more than two feet away from me, and just as precisely chose to pretend I didn't exist. And I felt it.

Which makes me think about whether I want to continue with these magic pills.

On a happier note, there is knitting, too!
These are a compilation of a couple of patterns. The construction comes from Cat Bordhi's Houdini Socks. The stitch pattern is from Joansie's standby, Blueberry Waffle Socks. The yarn is hand dyed. I wondered what would happen if one dyed half a hank one color and half another. Not much. It's okay, and might be a big more exciting if the colors weren't so closely related..... They are still pretty, just nothing to write home to mom about.


  1. I think your socks look great!! OF course I love blue and green colors. Blue being my favorite. I am so sorry you were ignored by the lady. Hopefully she really wasn't doing it on purpose. If she was then it was definitely her loss.
    Have a great day!!
    God Bless you!!

  2. I get ignored a lot when people discover I am deaf! In your case this woman was just plain rude and was definitely her loss as Mary said *hugs*

  3. Lizzie, this woman was rude, just plain rude. You are a much better person. If she had taken the time, she would have found out how much charity work you do for the good of others.

    I couldn't discern if "A" is male or female but I will tell you that I know some older females that will ignore other females in favor of a male for their own ego satisfaction.

    Keep taking the pills!

    Hugs to you!

  4. I love the color of your hand-dyed yarn. So don't crumble about it. Amazing how others like thngs and we don't. As far as your antidepressant is concerned I encourage you to continue to take it. Don't let one rude, unthinking person influence your decisions. It was her problem not yours. Cyberhugs, Renate

  5. That lady's behavior says nothing about you, but it says a lot about her. Don't let it get you down or keep you from doing what is good for you.

    Personally, I love the color of those socks! I think they're lovely.

  6. Ouch. I'm so sorry! And Julesb up there, I'm hearing impaired too and I get the same thing.

    But which is also why I'm wondering, do you have a higher-pitched voice than your friend? Because old-age hearing loss affects the high frequencies first, making lower-pitched voices more intelligible, and it may be that she zeroed in on the person she could hear the best without realizing she was dissing you.

  7. Just keep in mind that the joys will also feel better, too. Blow off the rude, seek out all the little positive things that happen. You can do this.

    How do you make the corners of your Houdini socks so tidy (where the little gaps usually show up)?

  8. This is a difficult journey. I know.

    Remember that as a young child and as a elderly adult, humans become self absorbed. It is natural. Would you have felt this way if a 3 year old wandered over to your friend?

    Remember: It is not about you! Humans motives are complex.

    I am sorry you felt ignored. But it isnt about you.

  9. Hi LizzieK8: As you know, I completely relate to this experience. In terms of whether the lady's behavior was rude or whether it was about your being an Aspie, I'd say that it was both.

    Being an Aspie, I experience that strange and confusing sensation of invisibility on a regular basis, and it's happened enough times, with enough people, in enough situations, that I've had to accept that the only constant there is me. For some reason, my being different confuses people, or is interpreted as some sort of tacit permission for them to be rude and dismissive. And then people have the temerity to suggest that we autistic folk lack social skills! Excuse me while I howl with laughter...

    But there is also a huge amount of rudeness in American society these days. My parents were three or four cans short of a six-pack, but they taught me manners and morals--to be kind, to look out for the underdog, to have consideration for people's feelings, to think about how my behavior affects other people, and a host of other things that I consider to be perfectly obvious. I don't know what's happened in the last 50 years, but people of all ages seem to have lost their grip on civility.

    I can't tell you how old I feel having just written all that. ;-)


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